When I barely started this blog, I was battling depressive symptoms. The last bout of depression I experienced was as a preteen and all throughout my teenage years – I forgot what it was like until it hit me like a brick.
I was driving home one evening, from nowhere significant, nothing on my mind, and I started bawling. An overwhelming sense of sadness and disappointment swept over me. This wasn’t the first time, but the irrationality became worse. I’d lay in bed wishing for death, ignore everyone, complain about not being interested in life AT WORK TO MY PEERS, and physically look upset the entire time. I was losing my mind.
Side note: best excuse EVER is, “I have to study!” knowing damn well that’s not happening. No one will question it, tho. “She’s working on her Master’s. It’s a lot of work so I won’t bug her,” and thus, I was able to distance myself so I could rot away. I haven’t seen some friends in what’s now 3 years.
Am I cured? Absolutely not. I still have depressive symptoms, emotional highs, lows and mood swings gah – lore! What I can say is that while taking a taxi during a trip with my mom, something said to me, “Have an adventure,” as if someone realized my wellbeing was out of sync and found it imperative to help.
I also had the worst emotional outburst after a looooong night of trying to get home. In fact, I was tripping out the entire two-week vacation. It made me realize I needed to seek professional help, which I’ll save for a future post.
The takeaway is not depression. Not. At. All. The takeaway is to enjoy life! That bit of Wisdom was saying have fun or perish. In hindsight, much of my dysfunction stemmed from dishonesty. I wasn’t enjoying life because I wasn’t loving myself and allowing myself to be at my best. And, since I wasn’t loving myself, I couldn’t extend love outwardly to those I cared about.
Now I’m back! Those feelings I had must’ve lead me to forget that the purpose of this blog was always to transform, share those experiences with others and ultimately have fun. That Wisdom just helped reroute my journey to where I should have been. So, now that we’re back on track, let’s have fun, shall we?
If you too are experiencing depressive symptoms, know that it’s nothing wrong, but DO NOT tell yourself to face it alone. Talking to family, friends and professionals does help. Don’t read this blog in hopes to have the same experience as me. Everyone’s response to and living with depression is different. Please use whatever you need and don’t be afraid to speak up. ٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ *hugs*❤
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Teen Line: 310-855-4673 or Text TEEN to 839863
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
The Trevor Project*: 1-866-4-U-TREVOR
IM ALIVE: Chat online with a trained volunteer
*Crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ youth under age 25. Texting and web chat available.