Transformation: I Choose…Piercings!

*in the key of out-of-touch adult* I remember when bar piercings were aaaaaall the rage! My friend had gotten one and damnit, I wanted it too.  The bar earring crossed the upper portion of her ear at an angle, one cartilage piercing to another, and it looked rebellious.  Not sure if my friend knew I wanted cartilage piercings, but she definitely wouldn’t have told me to wait over ten years!

But, that’s what I do.  I have no concept of the length of time that has passed and I ruminate on the endless possible outcomes of a decision I have yet to make.  There were so many worries that I dragged my feet.

“This isn’t appropriate for a business environment.  Who will take me seriously?”

“I’ll look silly when I’m old.”

“Last thing I need is to be perceived as immature.  I’m a grown ass adult!”

“With my luck, I’ll finally get a keloid.”

“I gotta wait a year before changing the earring?! But, but accessories!”
(
ノಥД)ノ︵┻━┻

What I needed was spontaneity.  So when my niece happened to ask me to take her for her first tattoo, I got the chance to stop my decade of mulling it over!

What’s funny is I didn’t act nervous or indecisive.  I walked right over to the piercer’s studio without a care.  This was not at all ten years in the making! *dismissive laughter.* “One here, one here and one here.” is what I told him and emerged, after GREAT EXCRUCIATING PAIN, with one helix and two matching earlobe piercings.  Ridiculous lol.

Notice that I’m so into KPOP that I wanted a cartilage piercing AND enough ear lobe earrings to feel like an idol.  Plus! I can switch out the cartilage stud with a hoop to feel closer to Jimin. o(≧∇≦)o  #kpoptrash

Am I worried? I’m actually quite excited! I finally took a chance and bet on myself.  During all the wasted time, I became extremely comfortable avoiding as many fears as possible that’s why I’m in a dead-end job or so my 19-year-old niece tells me.  All of my visions and inspirations were easily overwhelmed by unnecessary anxiety and defeatism.  Now I have to believe in myself AND my choice.

There’s more to life than what my eyes can narrowly see.  Most likely I missed out on plenty of rewards.  Although these piercings are a small step, perhaps by gambling with the fate of my precious left-ear, I’ve learned that…it’s not so bad.  I’m having fun and enjoying the endless possible outcomes cause I still got a year before this bitch is healed.  I’ll just adapt if necessary and keep it moving.

So was it worth it? Absolutely.  I’m wearing what I want to work WITH a bomb ass helix piercing.  It was finally time well spent!

Helix Piercing


Photo Credit:  Davepiercer (instagram)

Transformation: I’mma Wear What I Want To Work!

In my quest to have fun and enjoy life, I’ve been making little choices to try to be as much of myself as possible at work.  You know what it’s like in a business environment, you have to play the role and dress the part.  Luckily, I work for a public agency with a business casual dress policy.  I’m taking some liberties! *cackles*

Shout out to the new employee that literally told me she liked my style and asked where I shopped.  She’s about as big as a minute so my response was completely unhelpful, but she got my head swole. My fashion must be right!  Thanks! ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

In preparation, I donated a large portion of my wardrobe to the Salvation Army.  They came with a truck to pick-up what must’ve been about 16 bags of clothes, housewares, and random media.  Then, I called up my girls Torrid, Forever 21 and H&M cause their plus sizes fit nice, but I realized I was wearing more of the same.  I needed something different, so I went to searching and found Shein, The Limited and Zulily; I got reacquainted with Modcloth and SimplyBe clearance; then, I took a chance with my bank account on Eloquii and ASOS cause they’re hella expensive.

Lord Jesus, save me from Shein.  They have everything I could ever want for the cheap.  The sizing can be unreliable for bottoms, but all of my tops fit perfectly.  *Rambles* Why is their jewelry so cheap?  They must know I love earrings.  I have more hair accessories now than I know what to do with.  Help me! (ó﹏ò。)

After charging half of my credit card limit, I look fly as hell, but there is a method to my madness.  If time is a resource, your job has already taken much of it.  When do you have time to be yourself?  When I shop, I have two categories: work clothes, and weekend clothes.  Work clothes are generally conservative and look like your coworkers.  Weekend clothes generally express who you are.  Why should I only express myself on the weekend?

In terms of self-care, by the end of the day, there’s very little time for yourself.  For me, treat yourself got very real.  I was also tired of my job dictating my life, not only my attire but also my behavior.  As someone that felt that I was living in a box, my inner self couldn’t take the restraints any longer.  I needed to express myself!

It’s most difficult for parents to manage their time.  They have to take care of their children before themselves.  Any time after work concerns their children be it feeding them, cleaning up after them, helping them with homework, running errands for them, administering medical care, doing their hair (braiding that natural hair!), the list goes on.  Self-care and time for other necessities take the backseat.  The love between parents and their children is beautiful, but my heart goes out to parents.  Don’t neglect yourself! (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

So take a chance! Embrace your inner self.  If your job requires a uniform or business professional attire, take some liberties.  Get that trendy hairstyle you’ve wanted!  Put on some statement jewelry or wristbands.  Match some bright ass pumps with your suit.  Wear some hipster socks! What’s your coat look like? It’s drab. Buy a new one that sets you apart from your coworkers.  As you can see, there are many ways to express yourself through fashion at work.  We all live once.  We should be able to enjoy ourselves and our time here.

I disappeared into the culmination of a two year depression, it’s now time to have fun!

When I barely started this blog, I was battling depressive symptoms.  The last bout of depression I experienced was as a preteen and all throughout my teenage years – I forgot what it was like until it hit me like a brick.

I was driving home one evening, from nowhere significant, nothing on my mind, and I started bawling.  An overwhelming sense of sadness and disappointment swept over me.  This wasn’t the first time, but the irrationality became worse.  I’d lay in bed wishing for death, ignore everyone, complain about not being interested in life AT WORK TO MY PEERS, and physically look upset the entire time.  I was losing my mind.

Side note:  best excuse EVER is, “I have to study!” knowing damn well that’s not happening.  No one will question it, tho.  “She’s working on her Master’s.  It’s a lot of work so I won’t bug her,” and thus, I was able to distance myself so I could rot away.  I haven’t seen some friends in what’s now 3 years.

Am I cured? Absolutely not.  I still have depressive symptoms, emotional highs, lows and mood swings gah – lore!  What I can say is that while taking a taxi during a trip with my mom, something said to me, “Have an adventure,” as if someone realized my wellbeing was out of sync and found it imperative to help.

I also had the worst emotional outburst after a looooong night of trying to get home. In fact, I was tripping out the entire two-week vacation.  It made me realize I needed to seek professional help, which I’ll save for a future post.

The takeaway is not depression.  Not. At. All.  The takeaway is to enjoy life!  That bit of Wisdom was saying have fun or perish.  In hindsight, much of my dysfunction stemmed from dishonesty.  I wasn’t enjoying life because I wasn’t loving myself and allowing myself to be at my best.  And, since I wasn’t loving myself, I couldn’t extend love outwardly to those I cared about.

Now I’m back! Those feelings I had must’ve lead me to forget that the purpose of this blog was always to transform, share those experiences with others and ultimately have fun.  That Wisdom just helped reroute my journey to where I should have been.  So, now that we’re back on track, let’s have fun, shall we?

 


If you too are experiencing depressive symptoms, know that it’s nothing wrong, but DO NOT tell yourself to face it alone.  Talking to family, friends and professionals does help.  Don’t read this blog in hopes to have the same experience as me.  Everyone’s response to and living with depression is different.  Please use whatever you need and don’t be afraid to speak up. ٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ *hugs*❤

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Teen Line:  310-855-4673 or Text TEEN to 839863
Crisis Text Line:  Text HOME to 741741
The Trevor Project*:  1-866-4-U-TREVOR
 IM ALIVE:  Chat online with a trained volunteer

Sources:  https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/
                 http://www.pbs.org/wnet/cryforhelp/featured/resources-hotlines-and-web-sites-for-teens/11/

*Crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ youth under age 25.  Texting and web chat available.

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Transformation スタート!

So, I just celebrated a birthday, and I came to the realization that a third of the year is almost gone and I have yet to enact my 2017 vision board!

New Year’s Eve, me and my geeky, funny and totally creative friends got together to bring in 2017 with booze and crafts! Perfect combo.

Hindsight is 20/20:  I should’ve used glitter.  ( ु⁎ᴗ_ᴗ⁎)ु.。oO

This brilliant, fluorescent, awesomely curated vision board is indicative of a person fed up with a stagnant life, of not taking chances for fear of spontaneity and the unknown, and is ready to admit she hasn’t acknowledged her potential.

I’ve dreamt of losing weight most of my life, of traveling the world, and when I was a kid, I would pretend I was multi-lingual. (Alone! Cause that would be embarrassing.  I could’ve grabbed a book, but what’s the point in that? lol)

This is ingenious.  It’s golden! Please take a minute to imagine a kid randomly saying, “Bajaba, it-kapa jaba bahaka. Gah, JAHAGA!” It could’ve been happy, or angry, or whatever a 10-year-old feels LOL! (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)ノシ))

It helps, too, to become financially stable and, above all, to just love being myself.  I’m done.  It’s time for something new.

Transformation Attack has been years in the making (especially with my slow Ent-like track record lol).  This blog is a celebration of embracing who I am through health, life choices, geekiness, random exclamations and reactions to experiences, both personal and political, and hopefully I’ll make some connections along the way.

This page will transform with me, over time.  I hope you enjoy.