Aside

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough…

*Cue Diana Ross – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough*

Hey Guys! I’ve been MIA dealing with health issues, but nothing can keep me away from seeing BTS in Chicagoooooo! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

I’m super-duper excited about seeing the Speak Yourself Tour and I want to chronicle my experience better than my prior post.

My friend and I are gonna crash and dash! One day to soak everything in and then we’ll come home in time for GOT and subsequent recovery cause…this chick ain’t doing well, hehe.  (;・∀・)

So! My hopes for this trip is to hit up:

AND! I hope I’ll have so many wonderful experiences and photos to share.

Follow me on Twitter if you want to see live updates! O(≧∇≦)O

 

Experience: #LoveYourselfInChicago

Before BTS in Chicago, I didn’t believe in post-concert depression.  Clearly, I was wrong.

BE FOREWARNED!

If you thought some of my other posts were long, you’re in for a treat! This one is longer!

 

~ 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 ~

 

I spent four, long, arduously stressful months trying to get tickets to see BTS in New York or Chicago.  My friend and I combined devices to become a tiny force to be reckoned with, only to lose out on tickets for New York AND Chicago!

October was coming around the corner.  I had set-up dozens of Facebook and Twitter notifications for various BTS groups and one extra special gem, BTSTicketBOT.  Eventually, I had to make a decision on one location instead of being bombarded by notifications for two, so I picked Chicago.  I started to search for BTSxChicago hashtags and various keywords in search engines until I hit the jackpot! I found LoveYourselfxChicago, a BTS fanbase in the Chicago-area that organizes fan events and charity drives.

DO NOT buy from unreliable websites such as Craig’s List.  You WILL be scammed.  No matter how tempting and how desperate you may have become during your search, DON’T DO IT! There will be tickets, just keep reading! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

LoveYourselfxChicago was selling tickets for a suite ($250 each), at the tip-tip-tippy top of the arena with a full meal plan and semi-private bathrooms.  I told them, “I do.”

K, I was at peak gambling mode at this point before I had to look at the time and stop taking chances.  Originally, I told them NO! I wanna see sweat dripping from Namjoon’s forehead from P1 seating! Then I crumpled my wish on a piece of paper (seriously, I wrote exactly what I wanted multiple times on several slips of paper), before I meekly asked to be put on a waitlist.  (*≧▽≦)ノシ))

Luckily, we had already booked an Airbnb and THE cheapest transportation through Megabus ($13 total with tax, for two tickets)…..but you ought to know I’m never on time, so we missed it and had to drive (LOL!).

Yoooooo, my friend and I wanted to enjoy those charter seats and avoid the erratic Chicago traffic so bad that I called my niece to see if I got ahead of the bus, would she keep my car at her college over the weekend, just gas it up.  We didn’t make it.  Which…worked out for us later…We stocked up on flavored soju at Joong Boo Market and got some awesome food at San Soo Gab San Korean BBQ *cackles*

Finally! We’re in Chicago! We go to Mecca and it’s a barricaded parking lot across from United Center with people dancing it out to BTS music blaring from BigHit speakers.  Choreo, cheers, screaming over biases, everyone was just having so much fun! Hanging out in a parking lot was a bit of a let-down considering how much money we ARMY deliberately and emotionally give BigHit, but at least the Love Yourself banners and images were displayed everywhere.  It was nice seeing the block decked out for BTS:

 

 

Right at the entrance of the barricade was the lightstick help desk, so I made a beeline!

HERE’S THE ULTIMATE V3 LIGHTSTICK FIX!…put a little cushion on the bottom of the battery pack to boost it up.  There’s an issue with the battery not completing the circuit, so the light doesn’t come on.  The cushion eliminates that issue.  o(≧∇≦o)

There was NO line for merch.  Everyone came and went.  (I meeeaaaan, if you’re going to line up all night for first dibs, you shouldn’t have to wait all day right?).  Luckily, I had found a GO and we got merch without having to wait in line! We were able to meander over to the merch table after getting my lightstick fixed and lazily check off the order ballet whatever we wanted.  Merch availability was posted on banners.  The more popular items like the photo book, slogan, certain t-shirt sizes, premium photos, etc., were sold out, but there was a ton of lightsticks, mini lightstick rings, and photo cards, left over.

Legit. We were in and out in minutes.  The longest part was making up my mind.  I even purchased more PCs after a change of heart while still staring at the cashier (I needed at least two packs!).

Next, we were on the prowl…to sell fanmerch! This was our first time.  We had created some Love Yourself themed pocket mirrors and were hoping to recoup some of the concert costs.  We almost got bounced by BigHit Staff (LOL!).  This lady came over to us like, “this is your final warning.” My friend said to her, you mean our first?! Cause, we ain’t never seen this chick or spoke to her before.  She pursed her lips a bit cause she knew that was dumb to say.  Meanwhile, fansites and savvier fan merchants were stealthily dodging BigHit Staff and United Center Security, just making a KILLING!

I friggin love fan merch so much.  I buy from fans all the time online and it’s my favorite thing to do at a kpop concert. Fan merch can be beautiful and are usually the better things the band’s company doesn’t sell.  Since they’re unique, you’ll never find it anywhere else and if they’re discontinued, it’s once in a lifetime, so it was a bit disappointing that BigHit had the place on lockdown.  It was greedy, especially with how they’re pummeling us fans with various collaborations and activities (Mattel dolls, Funko Pop Vinyls, UNO cards, BTS World, The Notes Books, etc.)  Support your fandom family!

Honestly, there’s not much more to do and since I didn’t enter the photo booth lottery, I don’t have more to describe. I realized the set-up is more of a dip-in and dip-out scenario.  Buy merch, see some sights, get pictures, then bounce (although, I’ve seen posts from fans in Asian countries where it’s a whole damn festival, but whatever America.  Capitalism sucks.).  We tried to sell more merch while fans were lining up at the entrances, then made our long walk back to the bus stop (I was not driving or paying for parking) and turned in for the night.

The lines into the United Center were extraordinary…because people wouldn’t listen.  Granted, everyone had to form a line prior to the doors opening, but eventually, security was telling people to exit the lines and enter through any of the other doors.  One whole section, with multiple entrances, had no lines, but fans were so damn scared to lose their place that they didn’t trust to leave their spot.  Most had reserved seats!  Swear, fans must have PTSD from how they have to fight for everything.  Security was checking bags and scanning people through the metal detectors very quickly, so there was no need for the uncertainty.  ¯\_(⌣̯̀⌣́)_/¯

The next day was CONCERT DAAAAAAAY! I’m gonna skip a bunch of stuff because it’s redundant and I pretty much talked about security.  How. Ever.  We did sell more fan merch (Thanks!), made mutuals, spoke to some great people, and even met Dee Skelliton.  Eventually, it was time to check our bags and ride that evasive elevator to the sky-I mean, our suite.

Kudos to the people that handed out free stuff.  I got a couple of PCs and lyrics to Seesaw in support of Yoongi’s solo stage.

20181003_195528513_iOS

Word of caution.  Don’t overexert yourself.  We brought water, snacks, a hand fan, extra batteries, charger, and other necessities.  I thought we were ready, but that walking! Ugh! We must’ve walked the equivalent of 10 miles from the bus stop to United, around United several times, to Subway for grub, back to United.  We were tired AF, so when we got to the suite, we wanted to chill, but there were 20 other people already there and not enough seating with a view (suites can accommodate 20 people, but only have 10 stadium seats.  There were barstools and couches, but the TVs were not broadcasting the show).

But we had fooooooood, baby!  *raps* I’m a big girl, that likes big things, and I keep a plate, for my big dreams.  There was hotdogs, ciabatta sandwiches, meatball subs, fruit, a bunch of other stuff and champ-angia.  I was so stressed from low sales and so many people around me, I really needed a breather so when the attendant cracked that bottle open, I didn’t shy.  I got lit.

Music videos were blasting.  Snapchat Geofilter was on! We had our fan project banners ready (Day 1 and 2)! Fans were singing along with their lightsticks on.  And then, THE LIGHTS DIMMED! Our lightsticks went crazy colorful! BTS popped up from beneath the stage and I blacked out.

Swear, I remember screaming my head off, trying my best at the Korean lyrics, crying a shitload, streaming to my closest BTS friends (shhhhh! (*≧艸≦)), hopping from our suite to the practically-empty-suite these beautiful, magnificent, gracious girls were willing to share, but otherwise, I don’t remember a lot.  Luckily, there’s film….but I’m too embarrassed by my screeching to post it (and it’s taking forever to upload!), so enjoy these photos instead!  Mind you, we reached the last summit when we walked off the elevator.

 

We also got some amazing scenes:

If I were to describe the euphoric feeling I had seeing the boys in person, I’d never do it justice.  They were marvelous, engaging, funny and oh-so-sweet.  Hence why I’m pissed that I’m missing their stadium tour.  I told myself, I’m definitely seeing them next time…who knew they’d drop tickets this week?! This sounds weird, but I was extra upset that I won’t be able to go to one of the stadium stops and see the awesome light show.  Up to 80-90,000 lightsticks flickering and forming multicolored art in unison! Have you seen those videos? Wow. It would be such a breathtaking experience.

If you’re looking to get BTS Tickets, check out my other post.  The title is a little misleading, but my Plan B for getting tickets after they’re sold out is there.

If you’re banking on getting tickets direct from Ticketmaster…it’s all luck.  You can do everything correctly according to fans:

  1. Have multiple devices
  2. Recruit friends with multiple devices
  3. Have the fastest internet service
  4. Have multiple browsers and tabs open
  5. Not refresh the page
  6. For certain platforms, refresh the page
  7. Log-in hours in advance and wait to be placed in the queue

Even Ticketmaster provided a preparation guide.

You can do all that and some (I did) and still not score a single ticket.  Remember, based on the stage set-up, only 2/3s of the stadium’s seating will be sold, part of the tickets are already reserved for BigHit, Ticketmaster or another broker, and season ticket holders.  That means even fewer tickets will be available! Not only are you competing with each other but also scalpers with dedicated servers to snatch up tickets.

I’m not trying to scare anyone, just stating facts.  If Plan A doesn’t work, don’t give up hope! Plan B may be your best option. Just keep storing your coins and be flexible.  A couple of things on my previous post in the bonus section actually happened:

  • Ticketmaster released additional tickets, unannounced, a week or two before the Chicago concert date.
  • United Center sold extra tickets both nights of the show
  • People were posting last-minute ticket sales in various groups

It pays to keep checking the website, staying tuned to social media and just waiting in the box office line at the venue.

Another thing I learned while talking to various fans at United Center and also from social media posts, is that sometimes people with extra unsold tickets may just give them away! *screams*

If you choose to purchase resale tickets, do it through StubHub or Vividseats.  Both sites guarantee similar tickets if the ones purchased are fake or will refund your money.  Last year, StubHub realized how popular BTS is and created a dedicated customer service hotline (too many people were calling lol!).  Also, if you call into Vividseats, they might give a discount (the rep offered me 15%).  Lastly, if purchasing resale tickets from another fan, ask for proof and have someone else look at the proof with you.  You can even ask in groups if other people know of the account selling the tickets.

 

~ My Last Humble Opinion ~

 

Last year, Love Yourself tour tickets for Metlife Stadium had a decent resale price on StubHub because many ARMY had already purchased tickets: extremely overpriced resale tickets and multiple face value tickets in hopes for the right seats.  I’ve seen many ARMY say they might sit this tour out because they’re broke like me, they’re saving for other kpop concerts, or they’re unsure how different the Speak Yourself concert will be from Love Yourself stages.  That ups the chances for tickets and, if the demand isn’t as high as last time, the resale prices will go down about two or three days from the concert date and they’ll become lower the day of.  Hell, Ontario wasn’t a popular destination and those tickets were nuts.

Just don’t buy tickets because you can and then hold them in hopes of better tickets.  There will be more chances.  There were lots of tickets that were unclaimed.  Some of the top tier levels. Were. Not. Full.

So anything is possible! Believe it and stay fighting!


 

There you have it: This behemoth posting that tired me out enough over the weeks that I had to just publish the sucker and get it over with! LOL! Hopefully, this is useful.  I wanted to get it out sooner than the day Speak Yourself tickets go on sale.  I also forgot about DPR! Oh well. (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭

The Unboxening: ARMY Bomb Version 3

I love BTS so much that I have two ARMY Bombs, wtf.

That’s right, I scoured the internets last year to find an ARMY Bomb Ver 2 and after a long exhausting search, I found it!

Noooobody had them, except Choice Music.  I cannot believe, one of the most popular, trustworthy KPOP shops that sells out of things in minutes had this damn bomb when it was sold-out EVERYWHERE! I can’t say I’m not lucky.  Or maybe…it’s destiny?  ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•❁)

Fast-forward an entire year later, I thought I was cute cause I already had the Ver 2 lightstick when everyone was breaking their necks to buy one, THEN BigHit drops Ver. 3! It’s a racket…but I’m here to review it!

They want our blood, sweat and tears y’all! All of ARMY’s college tuition, overtime and underfunded bank accounts.  Fly away my tiny dollars! Fly! o(╥)o

I have to preface this review by stating that I have two other official lightsticks:  MonstaX and GOT7 Ver. 2.  This ARMY Bomb Ver 3 is THE best!

In terms of material, it’s still made of lightweight plastic, but the quality is in the embellishments.

First off, the damn package came dented and I was afraid the lightstick may have been damaged.  Lucky me (땡!) the product was just fine!

Apart from MonstaX’s lightstick packaging, this design is very nice.  BigHit stuck with the Beyond the Scene logo with their usual minimalist aesthetic.  The box is very sleek and cool.  I almost didn’t want to give it up, but a girl only has so much room.

When I opened the box, the first thing I saw was the top of the ARMY Bomb.

Top.jpg

Not very interesting, but like I said it’s the details that count.  This Bomb came with: an attachable wristlet, cloth bag, user manual, customer rewards card, AND PHOTOCARDS!

I’m skipping to the photocards.  They’re glossy, oversized and are tha shit.  Plus, there’s a card for each member.  No need to trade.  All ARMY can feel complete after one purchase.

My other official lightsticks didn’t come with a bag, but they all have a nice attachable wristlet so the lightstick is easy to carry around.  Ver 3’s is a mammoth.  No dinky, thin strap here!  It’s wider, softer, though a little shorter, and where it only said BTS on one side, it now has ARMY on the other.

They love us! It’s so beautiful we’re being included throughout this release and that they realized ARMY needed a ride or die strap.  Must be all those surveys!

The ARMY Bomb has the same structure as the previous version:  BTS block type font, clear camouflage pattern, rattle pieces (although now more misshaped as opposed to previous ovals and now they easily stick to the interior walls), and ignition wick.  The size is still the same, but can now stand on its own because of the built-in base.  ARMY and BTS return on the base of the hilt, with BTS being replaced by the Beyond the Scene logo and ARMY with our logo *hairflip.*

The feel of the bomb is a little bulkier – think lightsaber – with a new second button to pair to Bluetooth.  The hilt color has also changed.  Ver 2 is silver and black.  Now it’s just all black.  Also, there’s an ugly manufacturer’s sticker on the side that crinkles around the edges.  I’m definitely removing it with Goo Gone so there won’t be leftover adhesive.

What I love most about this version is the inclusion of the BTS logo in the center of the Bomb.  It’s such an attractive feature, and when lit, it’s mesmerizing.

AGAIN! These *clap* embellishments *clap* are giving me heart palpitations.  BigHit and BTS must love ARMY ridiculously.  We’re now visually represented on this ARMY Bomb twice, they want us to stop getting wrist burns AND we can now stand this lightstick up without jimmy-rigging it for our display. (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

This does require 3 AAA batteries and will last approximately 5 hours according to the user manual.  One thing you may have already noticed, that I do not appreciate with this release is that the opening to the battery container screws onto the hilt, and doesn’t line up with the design.  You have to make sure it does, otherwise, it just looks silly.  This issue isn’t as noticeable with Ver 2, but correcting this would’ve been better.

As I was writing this review, I pulled out the Ver 2 and realized I left the batteries in by accident since the release of Love Yourself: Her and it’s still working! That’s some serious shelf life.  In comparison, I forgot to take the Ver 3 off Bluetooth mode for two weeks and it still worked for my photoshoot! (ू′o‵ ू)*✲゚

Dismantled.jpg

Once you slide the button up for the LED light, there are five settings to switch through by pushing the single button below it:  Keep, Slow, Quick, Flash and Dimming.

And lemme just say, the light on this thing is MUCH clearer and MUCH brighter than the previous one.  It doesn’t vibrate when turned on, which I don’t care about that.

But let’s ask the question, why were ARMY going nuts online about this version vibrating? There’s no vibration in manual mode. At. All.  Besides, Ver 2 vibrated like mad.  It’s not like we didn’t already have it lol.

Here’s a preview of Ver 3 in each mode:

 

Now, you’re probably wondering about how this works with Bluetooth.  I don’t have great news about this.  It’s defective AF.

I’m a part of several BTS concert groups on Facebook and many of the members are posting the same issue.  The damn thing won’t flash blue in the pairing mode.

Downloading the BTS Official Lightstick App allows ARMY to manipulate the colors of the Ver 3 lightstick in Self Mode for late night parties and also place the Bomb in Concert Mode to be controlled by BigHit at the concerts; hence, the spectacular multicolor oceans circulating online.

There’s plenty of ARMY videos that demonstrate Self Mode.  What I’m going to discuss is how I got mine to actually work.

My friend also got a Ver 3 ARMY Bomb which paired with no problem.  Each time she moved the button up, center or down, there was a click.  Mine didn’t do that.  My initial reaction was that the button wasn’t aligning with the Bluetooth symbol like her’s; therefore, no third clicking sound.  So what I did was I pushed the button down into the curve of the track with a little pressure.  BAM! It flashed blue.  I pressed the Self Mode button in the app and the rest was a disco.

I tried demonstrating this in another video (it’s much easier with two hands):

 

Disclaimer:  If your Ver 3 doesn’t work after applying a bit of pressure, not extreme force, not using objects to push down on the button, nothing crazier than I did in the demonstration, just see if you can have the lightstick replaced.

The User Manual does recommend visiting the concert Help Desk for assistance or email btslightstickver3@compactd.com.

I’ve also read in one of the Facebook groups that the Help Desk might replace ARMY Bombs if they’re defective and that 1:1 Inquiry customer service in the BigHit Shop can be notified of the problem and will respond after a day’s time.

Regardless, my opinion is….that this release is AMAZING! Even my iGOT7 friend remarked about the quality.  I stand by my assessment that BigHit listened to ARMY for this release.  We’ve paid so much of our hard earned cash in love for BTS and BigHit clearly reinvested it.  A lot of thought went into this version, including the shipping.  I’ll admit I was disappointed at first that BigHit nullified fan coordinated light oceans, but in hindsight we’re saving money and efforts can be invested in more creative opportunities.  Really, the only downside to Ver 3 is that the Bluetooth function may not work with each product.  Otherwise, I’m in love with this release.  Please BigHit, don’t drop anymore LOL!

If you would like to purchase a Ver 3 ARMY Bomb, visit BigHit ShopVer 2 will not be controlled at the concerts. Packages ship within the US via UPS.  Once I received notification that “Shipping is Complete,” I received a second email entirely in Korean with a tracking number (출고번).  The package got here in a week’s time.

Or, just buy one at the concert.  It’s a separate line.  Swear, they ought to be much shorter.

Transformation: I Choose…Piercings!

*in the key of out-of-touch adult* I remember when bar piercings were aaaaaall the rage! My friend had gotten one and damnit, I wanted it too.  The bar earring crossed the upper portion of her ear at an angle, one cartilage piercing to another, and it looked rebellious.  Not sure if my friend knew I wanted cartilage piercings, but she definitely wouldn’t have told me to wait over ten years!

But, that’s what I do.  I have no concept of the length of time that has passed and I ruminate on the endless possible outcomes of a decision I have yet to make.  There were so many worries that I dragged my feet.

“This isn’t appropriate for a business environment.  Who will take me seriously?”

“I’ll look silly when I’m old.”

“Last thing I need is to be perceived as immature.  I’m a grown ass adult!”

“With my luck, I’ll finally get a keloid.”

“I gotta wait a year before changing the earring?! But, but accessories!”
(
ノಥД)ノ︵┻━┻

What I needed was spontaneity.  So when my niece happened to ask me to take her for her first tattoo, I got the chance to stop my decade of mulling it over!

What’s funny is I didn’t act nervous or indecisive.  I walked right over to the piercer’s studio without a care.  This was not at all ten years in the making! *dismissive laughter.* “One here, one here and one here.” is what I told him and emerged, after GREAT EXCRUCIATING PAIN, with one helix and two matching earlobe piercings.  Ridiculous lol.

Notice that I’m so into KPOP that I wanted a cartilage piercing AND enough ear lobe earrings to feel like an idol.  Plus! I can switch out the cartilage stud with a hoop to feel closer to Jimin. o(≧∇≦)o  #kpoptrash

Am I worried? I’m actually quite excited! I finally took a chance and bet on myself.  During all the wasted time, I became extremely comfortable avoiding as many fears as possible that’s why I’m in a dead-end job or so my 19-year-old niece tells me.  All of my visions and inspirations were easily overwhelmed by unnecessary anxiety and defeatism.  Now I have to believe in myself AND my choice.

There’s more to life than what my eyes can narrowly see.  Most likely I missed out on plenty of rewards.  Although these piercings are a small step, perhaps by gambling with the fate of my precious left-ear, I’ve learned that…it’s not so bad.  I’m having fun and enjoying the endless possible outcomes cause I still got a year before this bitch is healed.  I’ll just adapt if necessary and keep it moving.

So was it worth it? Absolutely.  I’m wearing what I want to work WITH a bomb ass helix piercing.  It was finally time well spent!

Helix Piercing


Photo Credit:  Davepiercer (instagram)

Transformation: I’mma Wear What I Want To Work!

In my quest to have fun and enjoy life, I’ve been making little choices to try to be as much of myself as possible at work.  You know what it’s like in a business environment, you have to play the role and dress the part.  Luckily, I work for a public agency with a business casual dress policy.  I’m taking some liberties! *cackles*

Shout out to the new employee that literally told me she liked my style and asked where I shopped.  She’s about as big as a minute so my response was completely unhelpful, but she got my head swole. My fashion must be right!  Thanks! ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

In preparation, I donated a large portion of my wardrobe to the Salvation Army.  They came with a truck to pick-up what must’ve been about 16 bags of clothes, housewares, and random media.  Then, I called up my girls Torrid, Forever 21 and H&M cause their plus sizes fit nice, but I realized I was wearing more of the same.  I needed something different, so I went to searching and found Shein, The Limited and Zulily; I got reacquainted with Modcloth and SimplyBe clearance; then, I took a chance with my bank account on Eloquii and ASOS cause they’re hella expensive.

Lord Jesus, save me from Shein.  They have everything I could ever want for the cheap.  The sizing can be unreliable for bottoms, but all of my tops fit perfectly.  *Rambles* Why is their jewelry so cheap?  They must know I love earrings.  I have more hair accessories now than I know what to do with.  Help me! (ó﹏ò。)

After charging half of my credit card limit, I look fly as hell, but there is a method to my madness.  If time is a resource, your job has already taken much of it.  When do you have time to be yourself?  When I shop, I have two categories: work clothes, and weekend clothes.  Work clothes are generally conservative and look like your coworkers.  Weekend clothes generally express who you are.  Why should I only express myself on the weekend?

In terms of self-care, by the end of the day, there’s very little time for yourself.  For me, treat yourself got very real.  I was also tired of my job dictating my life, not only my attire but also my behavior.  As someone that felt that I was living in a box, my inner self couldn’t take the restraints any longer.  I needed to express myself!

It’s most difficult for parents to manage their time.  They have to take care of their children before themselves.  Any time after work concerns their children be it feeding them, cleaning up after them, helping them with homework, running errands for them, administering medical care, doing their hair (braiding that natural hair!), the list goes on.  Self-care and time for other necessities take the backseat.  The love between parents and their children is beautiful, but my heart goes out to parents.  Don’t neglect yourself! (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

So take a chance! Embrace your inner self.  If your job requires a uniform or business professional attire, take some liberties.  Get that trendy hairstyle you’ve wanted!  Put on some statement jewelry or wristbands.  Match some bright ass pumps with your suit.  Wear some hipster socks! What’s your coat look like? It’s drab. Buy a new one that sets you apart from your coworkers.  As you can see, there are many ways to express yourself through fashion at work.  We all live once.  We should be able to enjoy ourselves and our time here.

I disappeared into the culmination of a two year depression, it’s now time to have fun!

When I barely started this blog, I was battling depressive symptoms.  The last bout of depression I experienced was as a preteen and all throughout my teenage years – I forgot what it was like until it hit me like a brick.

I was driving home one evening, from nowhere significant, nothing on my mind, and I started bawling.  An overwhelming sense of sadness and disappointment swept over me.  This wasn’t the first time, but the irrationality became worse.  I’d lay in bed wishing for death, ignore everyone, complain about not being interested in life AT WORK TO MY PEERS, and physically look upset the entire time.  I was losing my mind.

Side note:  best excuse EVER is, “I have to study!” knowing damn well that’s not happening.  No one will question it, tho.  “She’s working on her Master’s.  It’s a lot of work so I won’t bug her,” and thus, I was able to distance myself so I could rot away.  I haven’t seen some friends in what’s now 3 years.

Am I cured? Absolutely not.  I still have depressive symptoms, emotional highs, lows and mood swings gah – lore!  What I can say is that while taking a taxi during a trip with my mom, something said to me, “Have an adventure,” as if someone realized my wellbeing was out of sync and found it imperative to help.

I also had the worst emotional outburst after a looooong night of trying to get home. In fact, I was tripping out the entire two-week vacation.  It made me realize I needed to seek professional help, which I’ll save for a future post.

The takeaway is not depression.  Not. At. All.  The takeaway is to enjoy life!  That bit of Wisdom was saying have fun or perish.  In hindsight, much of my dysfunction stemmed from dishonesty.  I wasn’t enjoying life because I wasn’t loving myself and allowing myself to be at my best.  And, since I wasn’t loving myself, I couldn’t extend love outwardly to those I cared about.

Now I’m back! Those feelings I had must’ve lead me to forget that the purpose of this blog was always to transform, share those experiences with others and ultimately have fun.  That Wisdom just helped reroute my journey to where I should have been.  So, now that we’re back on track, let’s have fun, shall we?

 


If you too are experiencing depressive symptoms, know that it’s nothing wrong, but DO NOT tell yourself to face it alone.  Talking to family, friends and professionals does help.  Don’t read this blog in hopes to have the same experience as me.  Everyone’s response to and living with depression is different.  Please use whatever you need and don’t be afraid to speak up. ٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ *hugs*❤

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Teen Line:  310-855-4673 or Text TEEN to 839863
Crisis Text Line:  Text HOME to 741741
The Trevor Project*:  1-866-4-U-TREVOR
 IM ALIVE:  Chat online with a trained volunteer

Sources:  https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/
                 http://www.pbs.org/wnet/cryforhelp/featured/resources-hotlines-and-web-sites-for-teens/11/

*Crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ youth under age 25.  Texting and web chat available.