Experience: They Could’ve Died

Something that just doesn’t fit into my upcoming post on my vacation in Chicago happened on the very last day there.

I had to drop my mom and her sister off at our uncle’s house. My mom decided to stay behind to help him as he has dementia. My aunt wanted to pay a visit before catching her flight home.

On our way, I had the worst time finding the correct exit. I made an abrupt lane change at the fork…twice. It’s hard for me to tell which exit sign aligned with the lanes. Luckily, traffic was very light as we were nearest the Indiana State line on a Sunday afternoon, and it was very lucky for a certain van that we were headed in the same direction.

We were maybe 10 minutes away from my Uncle’s house when I saw a van move ahead of us from my right peripheral. I thought nothing of it since traffic was light and the van wasn’t doing anything alarming until it traveled across all three lanes of traffic, hit the highway partition, careened back across the entire road and landed on its passenger side in a plume of dirt.

The trajectory was unbelievable, like a freak-accident depicted in movies and it was unfolding before me! Most likely the driver lost control of the van when their tire blew.  Subsequently, they hit the partition and somehow accelerated towards the brush.  It was terrifying and almost unbelievable that it was happening.  Dumbfounded, I kept murmuring “Oh shit, oh shit,” until my mom and aunt finally saw the van crash.

My aunt immediately demanded that I pull over.  My mom was in chorus.  I navigated around the debris of a hub cap, metal, rubber and glass.  Before I could park my car, my aunt catapulted out of the backseat and ran towards the van through the thicket.  I called 911 and handed my mom the phone so I could give my aunt back-up.  My friend stayed behind to help my mom.

The weeds were tall and scratchy, surrounding everything.  My aunt was moving so fast, I couldn’t keep up.  I briefly saw the shattered windshield push outward as the driver was trying to get out.  My aunt was already barehandedly pulling back the shattered windshield by the time I got close enough, and the driver emerged from the wreckage.

The driver was covered in blood: head, mouth, arms, legs and glass wounds all over.  According to my aunt, the driver had a large swelling on their forehead, most likely from hitting their head on something.  But, they were mostly coherent.  They walked about, stood for the majority of the time and even washed off some of their wounds with a water bottle handed to them! The van was totaled, but they kept saying they had to go back as if they needed to complete their route.  My aunt had to tell them multiple times they couldn’t go back into the van and that they needed to stay still so as not to aggravate their injuries.

My aunt was awesome.  She took the person aside and explained some things separately, away from earshot…or was it that I was still alarmed so most sounds were drowned out? Other drivers that pulled over with us to help came and went.  A tow truck driver, educated in Department of Transporation regulations, took over before the ambulance arrived.

The driver was very grateful and tried to thank my aunt who didn’t think much about her heroic feat.  I even thanked her.  I would’ve been lost without her.  She quickly jumped into action, knew what to say and do and was completely selfless.  By the end of it, she had a small cut on her hand and glass on her clothes, and her flight was still later that evening!  I couldn’t be more proud of my aunt.

When I reflect on what happened, I realize I’m not a selfless person.  So many thoughts crossed my mind as the accident unfurled, shameful thoughts encouraging me to stay safe.   So, I didn’t move as quickly as my aunt and it disappoints me that I was so hesitant.  Bottom line, it wasn’t about me.  The person could’ve died.

But, it was fate we were there exactly as the crash occurred.  We, my aunt, were meant to be there.  If I continued on the wrong exit, we would’ve missed it all, and my selfless aunt wouldn’t have been there.  No one else was with her to pull back the windshield.  Most stayed on the sidelines to safely call the police.  One driver mentioned something disparaging as I headed after my aunt.

This experience, and my aunt’s actions, have taught me to work on myself more; not the cliche that life is not guaranteed, but that my actions matter the most while I’m living.  And if love is the most powerful force on this planet,  I should’ve been ready to share it selflessly.

Experience: Friendship Weekend…A Week Later

This weekend, I’ll hopefully be getting my ever-loving life in Chicago for Friendship Weekend, part 2.

Yes, the actual nationally recognized Friendship Weekend was last weekend, but who’s really keeping track? It just so happened that my mom, along with a couple of her closest friends, wanted this weekend to celebrate the friendships that they’ve held for so long over the years.  It’s so pure, so loving!

The plan is that some of us will go on excursions around Chicago, like my friend and I will visit Adler Planetarium, The Museum of Science and Industry, plus one more that my friend will decide.  I’m pretty sure a deep dish pizza may be in the future.  Some of the Friendship Weekenders may do other things like a brunch cruise off of Navy Pier or dancing in the park.  But, we’ll all come together Saturday for dinner to reminisce and enjoy each other’s company.

It just so happened that this weekend is The Bud Billiken Parade! I’m super excited to see the largest African American parade in the country.  It’s bound to fill my heart seeing so many black people loving their culture and showing their pride.

I’m ready to eat aaaaaaall the food too, digestion be damned! Ya’ll know how we do. There’s gonna be at least 40 BBQ joints and soul food restaurants out there and I need to sample it all.  I gave my friend a head’s up that I’mma be fasting at odd times, cause 1) how else am I gonna get this food in my belly? 2) how would I look fasting during dinner and a parade? (っ˘ڡ˘)っ─∈

Also, I’m looking forward to challenging myself.  I alluded to having an attitude problem and what I call mood swings in previous Transformation posts.  I’ll let the most minute thing sour my mood-truly, things no one would even notice or reasonably care about! Friendship Weekend should be awesome for everybody and I don’t want my attitude to spoil it.

I’ve learned to mentally ask myself these questions when I’m becoming frustrated:

  1. Why does it upset me?
  2. Is it worth being upset?
  3. Do I have to be involved?
  4. Can I let it go?

The purpose is to recognize when I’m letting in a big fat mood swing and acknowledge that the shift in energy is internal.  Most times, when I realize it’s not worth being upset and I don’t have to be involved, I can let the issue go.  See my assertiveness at work?! I’m also going to speak myself/be honest the entire time in hopes to stabilize my mood, and maybe deflect a mood swing or two when it starts to emerge.  Nobody wants to be cooped up in a roundtrip car ride and long weekend vacation with a Grumpy Guss (LOL)!

So lots of sightseeing, meeting new people and great food planned for this weekend of friendship, AND an excellent challenge ahead of me! I’ll give a full report after I return!

Transformations: Return to Start

Okay, okay, okay.  Enough with BTS! Lies! There’s never enough BTS, but I’ve lost sight of the purpose of this blog: to transform into someone that is uniquely and unapologetically me and to make connections with like-minded people along the way.

Sure, BTS is a HUGE part of my life, my…♪DNAAAA!♪ DNA Gif

LOOK AT THEM!

BTS Goofy GifBTS Sexy GifBTS UN GifBTS Unicef Gif

Can you not see their magnificence?! ♡( ૢ⁼̴̤̆ ꇴ ⁼̴̤̆ ૢ)~ෆ♡

I love them so much, but this life is still my own and I need to see this transformation through! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و

In order to do this, I’ve been making transformative decisions in conjunction with my Four Year Plan.

As I have mentioned before, I do live with depression and anxiety.  Many times, I avoid things outside of my comfort zone in fear of agitating these feelings.  My fears have made my life, my personal and professional growth, very stagnant.  So, I decided to face myself (will the puns ever cease?!) head-on by:

  1. Looking for a new job!

What I’ve learned is that a job can really feed on low self-esteem.  So, if you’re in a dead-end job, with no developmental opportunities, that doesn’t invest in your abilities or give you a sense of purpose, then any anxiety or depression that you have could be amplified.  It’s time to go!

I’m legit scared shitless cause I know nothing! All of these postings are like, girl, you don’t qualify. Of course, I have to make things harder by looking into a field for which I have AB-SO-EFFIN-LUTELY no experience! UGH! *throws Indeed away.  Retrieves Indeed cause that’s just stupid.* But HR Technology and Analytics here I come! (;ಥ;ω;ಥ;)

Don’t think that I’m not grateful to my employer:  my first job, the best teammates and boss, and the most work-life balance I’ll probably ever have, but administrative work is becoming obsolete.  I can no longer let the job market pass me by out of loyalty to my job.  And, how can I love myself if I won’t allow myself to grow, personally AND professionally? I want to see who I can become and be proud of it.

  1. Investing more in my health!

I’m getting too old for this shit.  As if depression and anxiety aren’t enough, I’m experiencing some crazy digestive issues that I’m having the WORST time getting treatment for.  I might be alone in this, so I’m going all the way!

To enjoy the new, fun and exciting life I’m building, I need to be healthy.  I’ve already lost 20 lbs (practically from starvation) and I’ve continued intermittent fasting (to aid incredibly slow digestion). It just makes sense with this issue to eat less and fast until a doctor will finally listen to me.

When my symptoms first appeared, I was sooooo lethargic and dizzy that I altered my vitamin regime.  It’s now:

Alive Multivitamin Woman’s Energy with B Complex

Nature’s Bounty Vitamin D3

Solgar Gentle Iron

MAN! I was like a new person! I still get lethargic, but the extra energy goes a long way.  I did cut the iron BTW cause…digestion issues.  Eventually, I will have to take it because I’ve always been a tad anemic, but I’ll take it maybe once a week.

Lastly, I needed a way to get my guts to at least gurgle, so I found some awesome exercises to aid digestion.  They’re nothing strenuous, just enough to alleviate some pressure.  And I’m still doing skincare.  I can’t wait to share my first kbeauty review! *screams*

  1. Speaking myself whenever and wherever I can!

The head of my department said I’m not assertive and that was the last straw.  I am assertive, but anxiety doesn’t allow me to show it! After 15 years on the job, no one there realizes this. And it might be because I’ll mentally revise any response (verbal, email, etc.) at least 20 times before I say or type it.  Not anymore! I’m going to speak myself (They’re in my  ♪DNAAAAA!♪  DNA Gif) by being honest and not worrying about being perceived as offensive, unintelligent, not black enough, an outspoken female, an aggressive black female, or insert any judgment that causes worrisome feelings. “What other people think of me ain’t none of my business,”(RuPaul).

Thursday, my coworker said I was “on a roll,” because I was being blunt and joking a bit too much, which is unusual.  I was less stressed from anxiety which definitely left more energy to be animated and talkative.  I told you, I’m tired of censoring myself.  This is me, baby! Enjoy! (。•̀ᴗ-)✧

And I’ll still wear what I want, even at work.  I like bright colors, fun headbands and hair clips, unique earrings, and youthful clothing! I love fluffing up my afro and wearing it big! I love showing my tattoos and planning the next one.  If no one likes it, then they don’t like me and that sounds like a personal problem…which ain’t none of my business anyway.

The biggest accomplishment yet is becoming an English as a Second Language tutor.  I log into a video conferencing platform and help people around the world practice their English conversation skills.  I practically panicked out of a job for a good two months, canceling shifts out of fear, and the tiredness that my fear brought with it, but almost every student I spoke to said they were nervous too! And that put me at ease because I could sympathize and I’d never want them to feel nervous around me.

After six months of meeting people from Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, South Korea, India, Colombia, Brazil, China, etc., I’ve started having fun talking to people, learning that although we’re from different cultures, we’re so similar in wanting to enjoy life.  We share the same feelings and desires, we just go about it differently.

Except for that Alt-Right 18-year-old from Brazil! He’s barely LIVED and he’s spouting oppressional bullshit! He can shove his copy of Trump’s Art of the Deal up his arse and try to kick rocks!  \\\\٩(๑`^´๑)۶////

Living is hard, but I’m trying to stay focused, trying to stay healthy and speak myself (♪DNAAAAA!♪ DNA Gif), remembering that life should be fun and to not take it seriously; and, that anxiety and my job shouldn’t determine my worth.  By this time next year, I hope to look back like, “Wooooooow, so much has changed.  I love me from back then, but I love me and my new life even more!” (♥ω♥ ) ~♪

Transformation: The Pains of Therapy

I left an easter egg in the first post of the year that I was seeking help for my depression, and I found a counselor.

Luckily, my employer offers an employee assistance program (EAP) that covers up to five counseling sessions free of charge.  These counseling sessions can be for anything, depression, grief, marriage, etc.

Take it from an HR professional, don’t snub your nose at EAPs! If an employer has a good EAP, use it! They’ll help with dependent care, child care, legal assistance, health concerns, financial assistance, you name it! They’re designed to people balance their work and personal lives.  Better call them!  ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) 

It took me a loooooong time to commit.  I just felt embarrassed and insufficient for therapy, like my depression wasn’t heavy enough for a counselor.  I literally was measuring how critical my depression is compared to what I believed warranted therapy.  If it’s not that serious, why waste the counselor’s time?

Also, I have a fear of being vulnerable.  I’m nervous and tense every day to the point that my shoulders always ache.  Usually, I’m anticipating being rejected by someone who doesn’t like what I say, how I think, what I do, etc.  If I can’t be transparent or if I’m nervous about the counselor, how was therapy going to help me?

Swear, I’ve been working for the same employer for the past 15 years and no matter how many staff meetings we have, I’m ALWAYS nervous to speak.  I mean lip quivering, hands sweating, word fumbling nervousness.  It’s actually at a staff meeting that the co-worker complimented me on my style.  She did it out of kindness because it was painfully obvious my anxiety increased 1,000 fold when I had to explain to her, the new girl, and all (EIGHT!) of my other co-workers (that I see almost EVERY DAY!) about my job functions.  She helped complete my sentence and gave me a compliment to calm me down.  By then, most of the group was having side conversations.  She effectively ended my nervousness without anyone noticing. ٩(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)۶

A mood swing at work stopped my over-thinking and I reached out for help.  It was all web-based, through their client portal.  I had to submit a request for counseling and describe why.  The EAP then sent me approval via email with the name and number of a recommended counselor… then I requested someone else.

I knew that, with all of my anxieties and inhibitions, I’d never open up to someone I didn’t feel comfortable with.  I really feel social prejudices and systematic racism also affects my depression.  I needed to confide in someone that could understand, so when I learned of an African American counselor that helped a co-worker through the loss of her father, I asked the EAP to connect me with her.

Now that my fifth counseling session is tomorrow, I can say it’s been an incredibly tough journey.  I cried a lot and had two anxiety attacks, but the fourth counseling session reeled me in a depressed state for three days.

Like usual, the counselor asked me how I was doing and conversations lead to me stating that I question my self-worth.

“Do you call it that?”

I said yes, and she asked why.  I couldn’t be honest, so I summarized my value amounted to the usual issues of self-image, feeling valuable…and I trailed off.  I started to get emotional thinking of all the horrible things I’ve told myself over the years.

The counselor stood, got a whiteboard, told me we HAVE to explore what I’m upset about and instructed me to write it all down so we can discuss each one.  I cried badly because I felt I was laying myself bare to be ridiculed.  I had to face in writing that I’ve told myself I’ll never be pretty, intelligent, strong, interesting or loving enough for anyone else AND that no one loves me.  The counselor, another human being, was going to judge me for it.  It hurt like hell.

I cried my eyes out for at least 15 minutes and tried to stall until the hour was up! I was like 8-year-old destroying tissue and hiccupping over something I didn’t want to do.  I didn’t even finish the list.  I just wanted the whole notion to disappear.  The counselor reassured me that I could take my time and that there’s nothing wrong with expressing emotion (cause I was legit crying all over the place!).  She even gave me privacy…which may not have been a good idea if I didn’t have some self-control.  I almost erased the board before she could see it! “Ψ(≧ω≦)Ψ“ *cackles*

“You wrote ‘pretty enough.’ You must think you’re pretty, but not pretty ‘enough.’  Define pretty.”

What do you say to that? I didn’t have a good answer.  I mumbled about being fat, not having an attractive face, that my aesthetic isn’t portrayed in media, that black women aren’t seen as desirable.  She dispelled the rest, but not the fact that the odds are stacked against black women in dating, “I’ll give you that.” But, she challenged me to define pretty and to tell myself that I am pretty and why then we’ll begin tackling the rest of my list.

I remember crashing in my bed and crying myself to sleep.  I was so emotional and downtrodden at work the next day that I really could’ve called off and stayed burrowed into my bed.  When I tried to affirm that I’m pretty, oh my god, the tears! How could I say that?!

But, after pacing myself and steadily trying,  I had a breakthrough.  It started with just, “I’m pretty,” without choking up.  And over a few days, I realized that I can’t trust and force myself to measure up to other peoples’ definitions of pretty.  This was probably why the counselor wanted me to have my own definition.  So many people believe certain things are attractive, how can I be all of them at once? And, if people aren’t being honest with themselves, I can’t wait for them to validate me.  Some people think fat people are sexy, but they’ll never introduce their fat lover to their friends or family because they’re embarrassed and fear being shamed.  How is this a healthy measurement?

I realized my definition should be absolute:  I’m pretty because I am.  I’m not limited to other people’s standards and I can’t counter this logic with negativity because as long as I’m alive, I’m pretty.  I can choose my own standard so I choose something infallible.  I’m just pretty.

“You need to love yourself.”

I began to connect, “I’m pretty because I am,” AND because, “I love myself.”  It’s the icing on the cake.  It’s that added touch that will make accepting my new-found logic a bit easier.  Not only can nothing take away my prettiness from existence, but loving all parts of me will make the work ahead with the counselor a bit easier.  I’ve by no means conquered these issues.  I’m not cured.  I’m making progress.

So tomorrow is the fifth and final session covered by the EAP and we’ll have to decide if I should continue therapy with the counselor on my own.  Although these sessions have been rough for me, and almost felt counterproductive, the progress, even by this much, has me hopeful that I’m on the road to recovery.  I’ll hold on for a bit longer…hopefully the price is right lol.


 

It’s my desire that anyone reading this will learn that therapy is great at any moment in life.  Attend as many sessions as you see fit, but don’t ignore the signs.  Recognize when you need help and don’t discourage yourself.

Also, the purpose of this entry is to give a realistic depiction of the hard work necessary for therapy.  Therapy is not an immediate solution, but a way to guide you to recovery.

Sorry for the long post, but hopefully, there are some takeaways.
(੭ु´・ω・`)੭ु⁾⁾

Randomness: Every. Single. Day.

I had meant to release this over a year ago, and the more I read it the more I’m like, I can’t let this go to waste!

And now, for your reading pleasure…something-that-actually-did-work-before-I-fell-off-the-bandwagon! Don’t worry, I’m getting back to it and will post updates…


*Que rock music* ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!

Everyone should have an epic introduction like One Punch Man! I’m still rocking the theme song. ‾͟͟͞(((ꎤˋ⁻̫ˊ)—̳͟͞͞o

Sooooooo I posted in March for the first time with all my glorious enthusiasm to transform into this amazing person that I know I am, including a giant weight loss journey, then realized I wasn’t readdyyyy! (<—–best Kevin Hart impression).  Goddamn, I love food.

One month later and I’m back on Herbalife and eating less, with a bit of health-conscious flair *pinky up!*

Herbalife… is taking over Earth.  I visited the Memebox Korea website and Herbalife was on the main page!  Admit it, you know someone that sells it, don’t you? You’re probably on it now!  (⊙◇⊙!) 

What am I doing differently? I’m having a meal replacement shake in the morning before work, eating healthier snacks (fruits, veggies, and cheeses), trying to limit salt intake and eating full meals in the evenings.  And don’t you start with cheese! I’mma eat cheese till I die!

Baby. Bell. Gouda. Wtf is it? (ᗒᗩᗕ)՞ It’s definitely not gouda.  It’s like a cream cheese-mozzarella-cheddar-gouda.  A creamy gouchedrella.  I bought a whole pack of these mofos and with each bite, I’m dying inside cause I’m too broke to waste them.  Only two left ಥ⌣ಥ

Let’s not talk about lunch and dinner yet.  My wallet dictates my plate and it is unbalanced lol.  My goal has been to avoid most fast and processed food, hence it’s not on my unbalanced plate, and to ease into the DASH diet and nutrition that help PCOS symptoms.

Work-out? Whachu say? Gawd, I hate exercise.  Can’t live with it, can’t live a long and healthy life without it.  But there’s nothing like a good shounen anime to get you off your ass and aspiring to be the best at damn near everything.  I’m watching One Punch Man S1 for a second time, cause it’s hilarious, and have been inspired to do the One Punch Man workout.

What is it? 100 sit-ups! 100 pushups! 100 squats! And 10 km running! Every. Single. Day! Other people are doing it too! Found a few websites with some nice reviews, so I’m going for it.  I’ll split it, morning and evening, and start 20 movements each until I reach 100.  Still trying to figure out running…*watching more anime for inspiration*

Links:

JaxBlade:  Would One Punch Man Saitama’s Fitness Training Actually Work?
Roam Strong:  The One Punch Man Workout
Darebee:  One Punch Man Tribute Workout
BuzzFeed:  We Tried The “One Punch Man” Workout Routine
Fitspiration:  Why The One Punch Man Workout May Be The Best Thing That Hit The Fitness World

Photo Credit:  Roam Strong.  Original credit Mangahere (link no longer exists).

 

Transformation: I Choose…Piercings!

*in the key of out-of-touch adult* I remember when bar piercings were aaaaaall the rage! My friend had gotten one and damnit, I wanted it too.  The bar earring crossed the upper portion of her ear at an angle, one cartilage piercing to another, and it looked rebellious.  Not sure if my friend knew I wanted cartilage piercings, but she definitely wouldn’t have told me to wait over ten years!

But, that’s what I do.  I have no concept of the length of time that has passed and I ruminate on the endless possible outcomes of a decision I have yet to make.  There were so many worries that I dragged my feet.

“This isn’t appropriate for a business environment.  Who will take me seriously?”

“I’ll look silly when I’m old.”

“Last thing I need is to be perceived as immature.  I’m a grown ass adult!”

“With my luck, I’ll finally get a keloid.”

“I gotta wait a year before changing the earring?! But, but accessories!”
(
ノಥД)ノ︵┻━┻

What I needed was spontaneity.  So when my niece happened to ask me to take her for her first tattoo, I got the chance to stop my decade of mulling it over!

What’s funny is I didn’t act nervous or indecisive.  I walked right over to the piercer’s studio without a care.  This was not at all ten years in the making! *dismissive laughter.* “One here, one here and one here.” is what I told him and emerged, after GREAT EXCRUCIATING PAIN, with one helix and two matching earlobe piercings.  Ridiculous lol.

Notice that I’m so into KPOP that I wanted a cartilage piercing AND enough ear lobe earrings to feel like an idol.  Plus! I can switch out the cartilage stud with a hoop to feel closer to Jimin. o(≧∇≦)o  #kpoptrash

Am I worried? I’m actually quite excited! I finally took a chance and bet on myself.  During all the wasted time, I became extremely comfortable avoiding as many fears as possible that’s why I’m in a dead-end job or so my 19-year-old niece tells me.  All of my visions and inspirations were easily overwhelmed by unnecessary anxiety and defeatism.  Now I have to believe in myself AND my choice.

There’s more to life than what my eyes can narrowly see.  Most likely I missed out on plenty of rewards.  Although these piercings are a small step, perhaps by gambling with the fate of my precious left-ear, I’ve learned that…it’s not so bad.  I’m having fun and enjoying the endless possible outcomes cause I still got a year before this bitch is healed.  I’ll just adapt if necessary and keep it moving.

So was it worth it? Absolutely.  I’m wearing what I want to work WITH a bomb ass helix piercing.  It was finally time well spent!

Helix Piercing


Photo Credit:  Davepiercer (instagram)

Transformation: I’mma Wear What I Want To Work!

In my quest to have fun and enjoy life, I’ve been making little choices to try to be as much of myself as possible at work.  You know what it’s like in a business environment, you have to play the role and dress the part.  Luckily, I work for a public agency with a business casual dress policy.  I’m taking some liberties! *cackles*

Shout out to the new employee that literally told me she liked my style and asked where I shopped.  She’s about as big as a minute so my response was completely unhelpful, but she got my head swole. My fashion must be right!  Thanks! ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

In preparation, I donated a large portion of my wardrobe to the Salvation Army.  They came with a truck to pick-up what must’ve been about 16 bags of clothes, housewares, and random media.  Then, I called up my girls Torrid, Forever 21 and H&M cause their plus sizes fit nice, but I realized I was wearing more of the same.  I needed something different, so I went to searching and found Shein, The Limited and Zulily; I got reacquainted with Modcloth and SimplyBe clearance; then, I took a chance with my bank account on Eloquii and ASOS cause they’re hella expensive.

Lord Jesus, save me from Shein.  They have everything I could ever want for the cheap.  The sizing can be unreliable for bottoms, but all of my tops fit perfectly.  *Rambles* Why is their jewelry so cheap?  They must know I love earrings.  I have more hair accessories now than I know what to do with.  Help me! (ó﹏ò。)

After charging half of my credit card limit, I look fly as hell, but there is a method to my madness.  If time is a resource, your job has already taken much of it.  When do you have time to be yourself?  When I shop, I have two categories: work clothes, and weekend clothes.  Work clothes are generally conservative and look like your coworkers.  Weekend clothes generally express who you are.  Why should I only express myself on the weekend?

In terms of self-care, by the end of the day, there’s very little time for yourself.  For me, treat yourself got very real.  I was also tired of my job dictating my life, not only my attire but also my behavior.  As someone that felt that I was living in a box, my inner self couldn’t take the restraints any longer.  I needed to express myself!

It’s most difficult for parents to manage their time.  They have to take care of their children before themselves.  Any time after work concerns their children be it feeding them, cleaning up after them, helping them with homework, running errands for them, administering medical care, doing their hair (braiding that natural hair!), the list goes on.  Self-care and time for other necessities take the backseat.  The love between parents and their children is beautiful, but my heart goes out to parents.  Don’t neglect yourself! (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

So take a chance! Embrace your inner self.  If your job requires a uniform or business professional attire, take some liberties.  Get that trendy hairstyle you’ve wanted!  Put on some statement jewelry or wristbands.  Match some bright ass pumps with your suit.  Wear some hipster socks! What’s your coat look like? It’s drab. Buy a new one that sets you apart from your coworkers.  As you can see, there are many ways to express yourself through fashion at work.  We all live once.  We should be able to enjoy ourselves and our time here.